Day 6: Out of Dodge — The Reverse Oregon Trail

4:20 - I’m wide awake. I know how this goes, I can stubbornly lay in bed and maybe fall back asleep in an hour for an hour. Not worth it, there’s shit to blog. Oh, and video to edit. Yeah, that’s a good use of my time. I set up my computer, sit down to start editing, and then I see the sky. Epic skies wait for no one, editing can happen later.

Please indulge me while I show you too many photos of the sunrise.

After snapping a million photos I wander to Denny’s. Not open til 7. Back to the hotel to pack and to shampoo shampooing. I fire off a singular post to Facebook and Instagram announcing my return east and make for Denny’s.

As fortune would have it Neil is sitting outside, sleepy and smoking. We chit chat for a bit and then he extends a hand with a wad of cash. I’ve learned to accept graciously, it wasn’t always easy and still makes me uncomfortable sometimes. But it’s important to trust that offers of support are made with kindness and care and, when appropriate, deserve to be honored. I said thank you several times and asked Neil if I could give him a hug. He was clearly ready to go back to bed, so I didn’t keep him, though I did ask for that one photo you saw in the last post. So grateful I got to meet this amazing human. Changed my whole outlook on getting waylaid in La Grande.

Denny’s is open, eat some food and respond to a barrage of social media comments, DMs, and texts about my big adventure. “Where are you now? Wait, you’re still in Oregon?” Lol, yep, stay tuned for the blog posts. As I’m settling up at Denny’s the hostess comments on my ripped shirt. I mention that a younger, cooler, co-worker asked me if it was a Kanye shirt. Apparently, several hundred dollars instantly gets you what time does for free.

Back to the hotel to finish packing, pass out for an hour and keep going. Out 7 mins late, but they don’t mind. Much appreciated, La Grande Inn.

11:18 and I’m on the road, finally. And the van is somehow doing 55 mph. Thank you Yeezus for this lil ol’ West miracle.

The drive to Idaho was pretty uneventful (a relief) and pretty dull, landscape-wise. Somewhere in the far stretches of Eastern Oregon, it went from being bleak and beautiful to bleak and banal. Idaho maintained the banality well. Some big vistas, but otherwise pretty boring.

Stopped for diesel around 1:30, was lured by the cheap price. Turns out that’s only for truckers, feeling tricked I try to go through the commercial line anyway. They learned this lesson long ago and had firewalls I couldn’t hope to break through. Highway robbery, I half-sarcastically mumble to myself. Get a really gross fried chicken lunch, wander around the Megaplex that is this truck stop, bewildered by it’s size and state of disarray. But mostly, I want to know what the fuck these are for?

Not even going to speculate. Truck stop culture is bizarre.

At 5:32 (lost an hour crossing time zones) I pull into Boise. I was on the phone with my folks and didn’t have the exact address in the GPS, so I pull over downtown and reset my destination. I was pretty close to where my cousins live.

Damn it feels good to be in a new state!

Hi Boise.

I pull into Mike and Lindsey’s at 5:57. Mike is at a low-key bachelor party, Lindsey is home. Never been to this place, they bought after their wedding in ‘09. Their wedding, incidentally, is why I’m here (on the west coast) in the first place. You’ll get the full back story in the next post ; )

Their house is charming and full of plants, they have a big backyard with chickens. Lindsey tells me all about their personalities (chickens have personality?) and mentions that one is named Billina. Like from Return to Oz? YES! No one ever catches that. Then I start rattling off quotes and Lindsey is really impressed (or embarrassed for me, not sure which).

Okay, so if you haven’t watched Return to Oz, go do it. It’s darker and funnier than it’s predecessor. It also stars Fairuza Balk, who you might remember as the weird gothy girl who from every 90’s witch movie. But the BEST part of the movie is the chicken, specifically, this one line she has when they first land in the Deadly Desert. I can’t do it justice, you just need to go watch it, she says “Ded-uh-lee… Desert? And the combination of the 1980’s animatronics plus her drawn-out diction and old lady voice, is just weird enough that my sister and I thought it was the funniest shit ever. We would shiver with anticipation for that line and then repeat it and laugh throughout the rest of the film. (Also, spoiler, the villians are allergic to chickens, and that makes for some other great one-liners throughout the rest of the film).

Back to the main story, annnnd plants!

I definitely have become more of a plant person since living with my last housemate Lydia, who was suuuuper into plants. Not that I grow plants, or know anything about them, just that I appreciate them more now.

Lindsey takes off to go hang with friends, but before she leaves Braden shows up! Braden is Mike’s son, and I’m never sure if the proper nomenclature is to call him my cousin? Or second cousin? Thrice removed? I don’t know, whatever. He’s a great kid, in his 20’s which is mind-boggling (my main memories are from when he was 9, 12 years ago, when this all started…)

We go to Food Land and he strikes a classically Braden pose.

Awwww, baby Braden!

Food Land Market is an Iraqi-run store, restaurant, and Turkish coffee bar. It’s awesome. Amazing food, great coffee (they boil it in sand!) and really sweet people. You should go there. Like right now.

Lots of murals in the alley behind their house, a foreshadowing of what was to come.

Mike gets home and is just as I remember him, funny and great. We catch up for a bit, he shows me his weird motorcycle that’s straight out of Battletoads and then I hit the sack. Camping down the street, hopefully the neighbors don’t mind.

Post Script

Look at the most frequently asked questions when I googled the proper spelling of Battle Toads. Now, say them out loud to yourself in your best Napolean Dynamite voice.